Church Skits & Plays
A Holy Week monologueIncident Report1 actor · 4–5 min

Easter · 1 actor · 4–5 minutes · One man, an adult or an older teen

Incident Report

Late on the night of the arrest, Malchus, the high priest’s servant, fills out an incident report for the steward: his duty, the garden, the fisherman with the sword, and who treated his ear. A funny-then-quiet Holy Week monologue for one man.

$8USD, tax included
  • Instant PDF download, yours to keep
  • Performance rights for your whole church
  • 30-day refund if it doesn’t fit your church
Running time4–5 minutes
Cast1 role · One man, an adult or an older teen
PrepMemorized is best, with one walk-through. Malchus can also read the whole thing from his clipboard, or from a lectern as if it were the steward’s desk.
Best forHoly Week program, Maundy Thursday service, youth group during Holy Week, before a sermon on the arrest in the garden. Not for a Good Friday service.
ScriptureJohn 18:3–12; Luke 22:50–51 (KJV)
ThemeOn the night He was arrested, Jesus healed a man who had come to take Him.
FormatPrintable PDF

About the skit

The steward wants a report before morning, so Malchus, the high priest’s servant (senior servant, he adds), fills out the form one question at a time. Duty: lantern. Not guard, not officer. When the man they came for said “I am he,” the whole band fell over backward, and there’s no box for that. Then, of all the soldiers in that garden, the fisherman with the sword picked the man with the lantern.

The laughs all come from Malchus’s pride, never from the injury. Then the form asks who treated it, and the joking stops. The monologue puts John 18:3–12 together with Luke 22:50–51, where Jesus touches the ear of a man who came to take Him and heals it, and Malchus is honest about what he did after that.

It belongs on Maundy Thursday or in a Holy Week program, since it happens on the night of the arrest; it isn’t meant for Good Friday. One man, a stool and a lantern, memorized or read from the clipboard. The staging notes cover the three moments he touches his ear, saying the words he quotes from Jesus quietly and without a special voice, and playing it from a lectern.

Read the first page

(MALCHUS walks in with the lantern and clipboard, sets the lantern on the floor beside the stool, sits, and finds his place on the form. He reads each question aloud before he answers it.)

MALCHUS: Incident report. For the steward of the household of the high priest. (He writes.) Name: Malchus. Position: servant of the high priest. (He writes, then adds a word.) Senior servant.

MALCHUS: Duty on the night of the incident. (beat) Lantern. (He looks up at the congregation.) Not guard. Not officer. Lantern. I said, "I'm the high priest's own servant." They said, "Good. Then you can hold it up high."

MALCHUS: Location: the garden across the brook Kidron. Time: late. Way past everybody's bedtime. (beat) Except His. He was up. He was waiting for us.

MALCHUS: Was anyone injured? (His hand drifts to his right ear. He doesn't seem to notice.) We'll come back to that. That's the best part.

The script continues in the full PDF.

Characters

  • Malchus, a servant of the high priest; proud of his position, exact about details and very tired

Props

  • A clipboard and pen, with a form headed INCIDENT REPORT
  • A battery or camping lantern
  • A tall stool or a plain chair
  • A simple tunic and belt, or plain dark clothes

What you get

  • The full script with stage directions
  • Cast list, props list and simple staging notes
  • Three discussion questions for a small group, youth group or Sunday school class
  • Performance rights for your church: perform it as often as you like and print copies for your cast

Performance rights

One purchase covers one church or ministry. Perform it as many times as you like, make copies for everyone in the cast and crew, adapt the lines and include it in your livestream. Please don’t resell the script or share the file publicly. Read the full license.

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Questions

Can I change the names or lines?

Yes. Change names and genders, trim lines for time or adapt a joke for your church. The script is yours to fit to your people.

Can we record and stream the performance?

Yes. You can include it in your livestream and post the recording on your church’s own channels.

How do I get the file after I buy?

Right after checkout you get a download link on the confirmation page and by email. It works for up to 20 downloads, and each copy is marked with your order so it stays licensed to your church.

Who is the seller on my receipt?

Payments are processed by Link, Stripe’s checkout, which acts as the reseller. Your card statement shows LINK.COM* CHURCHSKITS. Questions about the script itself come to us at hello@churchskits.org.

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